There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
