Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
