he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
