Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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