The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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