your room smells of hookers.
And success
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
