My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
