I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
