Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
