piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
