Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
