Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
