He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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