It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
