where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
