oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
