how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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