i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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