Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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