I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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