Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
