I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
