trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
