I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
