I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
