and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
