Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's like iHOP with fire
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
