Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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