Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
