She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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