A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
