New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it's like heaven, but drunker
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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