Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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