Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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