I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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