Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
there is glitter all over my balls
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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