At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
