Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
