Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
