I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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