at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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