i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
