i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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