ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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