I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
