I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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