did you get engaged???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
