this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
