I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
