Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
