hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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