We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
